It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. He fights me on everything. It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. Of course we can go the road of power struggles, but it wont help. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. Thanks for taking the time to read, It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). One is of course that you and your wife need to start talking to each other on how to raise your child. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. Try putting the bottle itself inside a brightly coloured sock or wrap it in some clothing that smells of his mother. Not an easy task as my parents DID love me conditionally. He always trying to get daddys attention instead. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. Before Baby Comes. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. I thought my son did this because of his cesarean and my dh being the one to help. A scary thought! First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! Try to let her keep it any way you can (but not on the phone for such a little girl). So worried he is forgeting about me. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . Is soo upseting bcuz this just sterted like a week ago befor it seemed that i was his everyhing he lovedd to be with me! How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. They all saw it for themselves as we were all on holiday together, but its my girlfriends mum & dad not mine but she doesnt see a problem but only a farther will tell. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. This could change any day. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. If she is with me then she walks a way the moment she hears or sees her grandma. The earlier you start looking, the better. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. I do each and every work for her. she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. Do it now. in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. It has been 37 years and we are not close. I dont know if maybe he was picking up on my dark mood, my insecurities? But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. Please help me!! If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. Sep. 5, 2016. Im in a bit of a no win situation here, I am expecting my first child with my partner, he has a daughter by a previous marriage , my job requires me to work out of the country for 4 weeks then I get 4 weeks off at home and so on. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? Im so happy he still wants to breastfeed though and didnt completely write me off but he just doesnt seem happy to see me like he did his daddy and that hurts so much especially since I cried cause I missed him so much. Is that true? But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. it has been like this for over a year now & i now just resent them. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). But I feel like there are some differences, too. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. I am depressed. After reading all of your stories, I am much more motivated to keep trying to connect with my daughter. I did everything a mom should do with their child. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. I try to comfort him even when hes inconsolable and even when he doesnt seem to want me. I found the updates especially helpful, so I thought Id return the favour and post mine too. My son is now 14 mos old and he is bonded to me. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. Please help! In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. this time we were alone in the room. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! At the moment we are living in India with my husband and his parent, my son seems to be attached to them more than me. ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. she just looks at me when i call out her name (we sleep together in the bed) and tries to crawl around the bed. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. So thanks for speaking up! So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. Do so at the times your baby used to nurse. But its like the opposite of your problem. Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. I just know it can be the case no matter what you do. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. Sigh. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. Mom is getting really depressed with this and is the reason for many of the heated arguments between us. Why does she prefer her father when he can go a whole week without ever seeing her? All she needs is her grandparents or father. You sound like you are in very bad emotional shape. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. That was quite hard, when I was feeling like I was being rejected and that I was doing something wrong. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. I am so sad. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. I do everything to. Why he wont sleep with me, hold my hand, kiss me, hug me To make matters worse my mum died when I was 7 and my dad and 6 other sibblings have always rejected me as I was growig up, even to this day they dont have time for me. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. Well, it of course depends on the situation; if the mom and baby live together and have had the possibility to develop a bond, and so on. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. And even being so young, she can sense your tension, which might make her slightly stressed, if that is how you feel. Thank you thank you thank you!! It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). I used to have a very tight relationship with my parents. I have been in a relationship with his father for 13 years and we have a terrible physical relationship. Take her outside! Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. Paula, Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . If grandad isnt there he wants to no me but if he is there he just blanks me, i try my hardest to try get his attention with no luck he just ignores me & blanks me. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. My 9-month-old daughter has started recently. Over the 2 years I have been in a terrible custody battle and its still going on right now. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. I stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to bed and did everything else i was able to do. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! Especially when I have been up all night with her or cooked for her or played with her all day..etc. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. So youve done great job. She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. Things will get better. Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. Its absolutely heartbreaking to me. As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. Best of luck. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. I was always there for him. Pace yourself, with paced feeding. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. This cookbook contains about 200 recipes and photos of how to make delicious meals easily and quickly. When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. 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baby rejecting mom after going back to work